Can't Gain Weight? Guess What- You're Doing It Wrong

Having covered myriad weight gain diets used by champion lifters throughout the last hundred years, a couple of prominent themes rose to the surface:

1. all diets should be protein-centric. No true muscular weight gain can take place without making massive protein consumption one's primary goal.
2. one's diet should be high in animal fats. Fats seemed to comprise the caloric majority of all of the diets I outlined and seem to play a vital role in muscular weight gain and strength training in general.
3. a proper weight gain diet contains what would appear to a casual observer to be a ludicrous number of calories. 

The utility of protein in any weight trainer's diet has been covered ad nauseam by myself and others, and hardly seems worth revisiting. Should you find yourself without the requisite knowledge on the subject to proceed. 
In short, without devoting a considerable portion of your diet to high-quality protein sources, you will not grow. Additionally, high levels of protein consumption is positively correlated with bone mass (Cooper et al), inversely correlated with serum concentrations of sex hormone-binding globulin (the shit in your blood that prevents your testosterone from binding to your receptors, aka "shit in your blood that sucks")(Longcope et al), may improve athletic performance, and despite vast amounts of negative press based on ancient studies (Campbell et al), do not negatively affect renal function.(Ibid)  Rob Faigin devoted half of his epic, must read book to protein, so it's got to be good, right?

Conversely, high fat diets have received either mixed reviews in the press or overwhelmingly negative reviews, but are rarely portrayed as anything but highly dangerous and possibly insane.  In my investigation, however, fat is the unsung hero of strongmen.  The utility of a diet high in animal fats is perhaps the most interesting theme running through the diets of sundry strongmen, and bears further investigation. If you'd care to briefly revisit the previous installments, you'll notice that every last one of those motherfuckers ate saturated fat like they were persistence hunting a coronary. Though I doubt any of them knew it, the inclusion of massive amounts of fat in the diet has been shown to markedly increase testosterone levels. According to a 1982 study, high fat diets resulted in markedly improved serum testosterone concentrations when compared with low fat diets. Additionally, the switch from one diet to the other caused test levels to change accordingly. In this study, dietary percentages of fat and carbohydrates ranged from 25%-40% and 45%-57%, respectively, and the results showed for the first time that a high fiber, low-fat diet significantly "reduces the biologically active, free testosterone in serum. (Hamalainen et al)

Another study was conducted in 2004 on the subject that made things a bit more interesting by comparing the effect of fat intake on strength athletes to non-athletes, and found that there was a significant correlation between testosterone levels and saturated fat intake in the strength athletes. (Sallinen et al)  This finding was especially interesting given the stated comparison, and would seem to corroborate the incidental correlation between the supermen I've outlined in this series and their diets.  This correlation was found to exist even more impressively in another Penn State study in 1994, which showed that the correlation between dietary fat and testosterone levels is even higher than the correlation between weight training (albeit a fairly ridiculous program of jump squats and bench pressing).(Volek et al)  The result of both studies, however, is the theory that "dietary fat and protein intake may lead to [positive] alterations in the regulation of the endocrine system during prolonged strength training" and that "saturated fatty acids and monounsaturated fatty acids are strongly associated with serum basal testosterone concentrations."  (Sallinen)  In short- if you train your ass off and eat a lot of saturated fat, your body will reward you for stuffing yourself with wings and beef ribs with lower overall bodyfat, harder erections, more physical strength, better mental health, and a whole host of other health benefits.(Kvorning et al, Men's Health, Kvorning et al, Svartberg et al)  

Finally, as JM Blakely stated so succinctly, "Remember - If you want to beat the man, you've gotta out-eat the man!" I am perhaps among the worst of the strength training community in over-analyzing the role diet plays in strength building, but I can find absolutely no fault with this statement. Certainly it bears mentioning that there are some caveats to this rule, and that the composition of one's diet is just as important as its volume, but volume is a generally ignored issue in weight gain, amusing as that sounds. Thus, if you find that you cannot gain weight, it's likely how much you are eating as opposed to what- the "what" only enters into play when examining the kind of weight you're gaining.  Thus, if you want to gain weight, you need to line up protein-rich foods and attack them like you're Kobayashi in an eating competition with Galactus.

The themes consistent across these strongmen's lifestyles actually extend further than their voracious appetites and amusing food choices.  Not surprisingly, most or all of the superhumanly strong motherfuckers I've mentioned in their series made mention of the necessity of making like a modern-day Rip Van Winkle.  Anderson stated outright that more than 8 hours was necessary, Hepburn apparently found 10 hours was the golden amount (Katterle), Pat Casey agreed with Hepburn (Casey), and Arthur Saxon got at least 8 hours a night. (Gaudreau)  Most of them mentioned the importance of sleep in terms of recovery, and should thus be a consideration for the lot of you as well.  Amusingly, I get a multitude of questions regarding the necessity of sleep, in spite of the fact that I've made my opinion on the subject fairly plain.  As such, here's a blanket answer to the question "is there a way around the sleep issue?"  NO.  There is not.  
Insomnia?  
Better hit up the nearest gay guy for some GHB or jump a fratboy and steal his roofies (which is probably a good plan even if you're not having any trouble sleeping-who needs a reason to fuck up a frat boy?).  
No time for sleep?  
Make some.  
You can't?  
I guess you're fucked, then.